RUBBISH\n;1;Being a pirate is also a violation of the Space Geneva Convention, so I think we're not really making anything worse. Fire away!\n\n;2;Friendly reluctantly jams a few dozen parking tickets into the torpedo tube. You train your sights on the garbage scow's windshield.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;3;Tube 1 loaded with tickets, sir.\n\n[[Fire!|TicketgunFire]]
RUBBISH\n;1;All right, Friendly. You're right. Using the Ticketgun would be mean. Let's shoot them with a nuclear missile instead.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;2;But--\n\nRUBBISH\n;3;No buts!\n\n;4;Trashbeard laughs. Some Fritos he's eating fall from his mouth into his beard.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;5;Ha! Ha! "Butts."\n\n[[(Fire the nuke.)|NukeUse]]
;i;hero\nRUBBISH\n;1;Have you seen how much crap there is down there? We're rich! With our share of the prize money, we have the funds to buy our own ship.\n\n[[It's time to get to work.|OpeningHub]]\n[[It's time to PARTY!|OpeningVegas]]
;m;gs4\n;i;friendly\nRUBBISH\n;1;George, I've been saving my money for years, hoping for my own command. And all of a sudden, it's become a possibility.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;2;What are you saying?\n\n[[I'm buying my own ship.|OpeningBuy]]\n[[I'm stealing this one.|OpeningSteal]]
;i;newark\nRUBBISH\n;1;If we want to carve out our own corner of the world, we've got to start right away. Set a course for New Newark.
;i;hero ;m;gstheme2\n;1;''In a world where garbage is money, one man has what it takes to achieve mediocrity.''\n\n[[Take your seat, Lieutenant Rubbish.|Beginning1]]
;m;gs1\n;i;friendly\n;1;You turn to your valued assistant, George Friendly. You've noticed over the years, that he is, in fact, friendly. But you have always thought he looks more like a Frank.\n\n;2;You say to him--\n\nRUBBISH\n;3;Prepare the Ticketgun.\n\n;4;Friendly sighs.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;5;Are you sure it's come to that? Using the Ticketgun is a breach of the rules of engagement... it violates the Space Geneva Convention...\n\n[[I said DO IT!|Ticketgun]]\n[[You're right. Let's use a nuke instead.|TicketgunNuke]]
RUBBISH\n;1;It's time for us to drink away the sorrows we are too young to have. Set a course for Space Vegas.
;m;epic\n;1;The //Filthy Rich// shoots the tickets out of its forward cannon at one-tenth the speed of light. A few of them scatter as they approach the garbage scow. For a moment, you think your shot missed--but then--\n\n;2;--one of them lodges itself under the garbage scow's windshield wipers. A direct hit!\n\n;3;The garbage scow pulls over. Its pilot opens up the door to go check to see why he got a ticket. He asphyxiates.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;4;Ha-ha! That's the ticket!\n\n;5;He looks at you, expecting a reaction.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;6;I said, //that's// the //ticket//! Do you get it? It's something people say when something good happened, and also we gave them a ticket. Plus a guy died. That's always funny!\n\n[[I get it!|GetIt]]\n[[(Pretend not to hear him.)|Pretend]]\n\n<<set $ticketgun = true>>
;i;hero\n;m;gshomemaybe\n\n;1;Your shuttle crosses the vast darkness of space, but none of you pay attention to the beauty outside your windows. You look at the infinity of creation with a boredom brought on by familiarity, the same way 21st-century humans were bored by their own mode of transportation. They talked on cellphones and listened to rap while riding a series of controlled explosions powered by the decaying bodies of dead dinosaurs. With similar detachment, you yawn as supernovae glitter and nebulas sparkle dozens of lightyears away, and pick the gunk out from under your fingernails.\n\n<<if $ticketgun eq false>>\n;2;Ed notices the scow's engine spewing smoke and feathers.\n\nED\n;3;Oh, yous used the goscannon! Good thing I gots some parts for that in my van.\n<<endif>>\n\n;4;Your airlocks connect with a //hiss//. The noise scares Urgh, who destroys an important piece of navigational equipment before calming down.\n\n<<if $ticketgun eq false>>\n;5;As soon as you board, you are greeted with the smiling face of the Garbage Scow's pilot. He grins at you cheerily.\n\nPILOT\n;6;Hello!\n\n;7;Urgh grabs the pilot's face and crushes it with Urgh's fist, for no readily-discernible reason.\n\nURGH\n;8;Urgh!\n<<endif>>\n\n[[Friendly, take Urgh and check the hold. I'll go to the Bridge first.|Bridge]]\n[[Friendly, take Ed and go to the Bridge. Urgh and I will check the hold.|Hold]]
;1;You twiddle.\n\n<<if $twiddle eq 0>>\n;2;Nothing happens.\n\n[[Twiddle.|Twiddle]]\n[[Fire!|BirdShotFire]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 1>>\n;3;Trashbeard starts to get anxious.\n\n[[Twiddle.|Twiddle]]\n[[Fire!|BirdShotFire]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 2>>\n;4;Trashbeard looks like he is going to pop if he has to wait any longer. That, or have a stroke.\n\n[[Twiddle.|Twiddle]]\n[[Fire!|BirdShotFire]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 3>>\n;5;Okay. He's going to eat you if you wait any longer.\n\n[[Twiddle.|Twiddle]]\n[[Fire!|BirdShotFire]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 4>>\n;6;Trashbeard eats you.\n\n[[You died.|Died]]\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<set $twiddle = $twiddle + 1>>
;1;Friendly reluctantly jams a few dozen parking tickets into the torpedo tube. You train your sights on the garbage scow's windshield.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;2;Tube 1 loaded with tickets, sir.\n\n[[Fire!|TicketgunFire]]
;i;urgh\n;m;gs3\nRUBBISH\n;1;Friendly, go get Ed and meet me by the shuttle.\n\n;2;Friendly sighs with relief.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;3;It's been nice knowing you, Jonathan.\n\n;4;He salutes, and exits the bridge through a door that goes //whoosh//. When the door tries to close, a gear falls out of the wall and the door jams. Black smoke pours from within the doorjamb.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;5;Ha! Doorjamb! Get it?\n\n;6;He sits with his mouth open, laughing noiselessly. A half-chewed Cheeto spills out of his mouth and rolls down his shirt, presumably getting caught in his carpet of unwashed chest-hairs.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;7;Also, this is great news! Now that broken door will increase the resell value of the //Filthy Rich//.\n\n;8;You leave the bridge through the broken door.\n\n[[(Go get Urgh.)|Urgh2]]
;1;You find Ed Mechanic next to a wall, welding it. What exactly he is accomplishing by welding the wall in unclear, but he certainly looks productive.\n\nED\n;2;Oh, heya, Jonathan. What can I help yous with today?\n\nRUBBISH\n;3;We're going over to the newly-captured Garbage Scow. Going to take her into port.\n\nED\n;4;Yous gots it. Tellyawhat, just gimme a second and I'll get some parts out of my van to take with, okeydoke?\n\n;5;Ed disappears down a hallway for a time, and comes back with some parts.\n\nED\n;6;Okeydoke then. Lets goes.\n\n[[(Meet Friendly at the shuttle.)|ShuttleEd]]
RUBBISH\n;1;Hello. I'm Jonathan Rubbish. I'm here to steal your ship.\n\n;2;Lord Bilgewater looks forlorn.\n\nLORD BILGEWATER\n;3;O, the misfortune! O, alack for my sad lot in life! To have my ship captured by merciless garbage pirates on this, my most important garbage run ever!\n\nRUBBISH\n;4;Wait... did you say, most important garbage run //ever//?\n\nLORD BILGEWATER\n;5;O, with a hold full of wealth and filth! O, sorry day, when pirates became suddenly incredibly rich!\n\nRUBBISH\n;6;Slow down--did you say something about having a lot of garbage aboard, or not?\n\nLORD BILGEWATER\n;7;Riches upon riches lining my hold, and on this horrid, dreadful day, they choose to visit violence upon me! The tragedy!\n\nRUBBISH\n;8;Do you or do you not have lots of money here?\n\n;9;Before he can answer, your walky-talky grumbles with Friendly's voice.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;10;Lieutenant Rubbish, you need to come see the hold. In person.\n\n;11;Lord Bilgewater grimaces.\n\nBILGEWATER\n;12;I fear that you shall soon see the extent of my sorrows. Let me show you the way to the hold.\n\n;13;Lord Bilgewater stands and leads the way with a mournful swagger.\n\n[[(Follow him to the hold.)|Hold2]]
;1;You ignore him.\n\n<<if $twiddle eq 0>>\n;2;Nothing happens.\n\n[[(Continue to ignore him.)|Pretend]]\n[[Yeah, okay. Ha. Ha.|GetIt]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 1>>\n;3;Trashbeard waits for a reaction, staring at you wide-eyed.\n\n[[(Continue to ignore him.)|Pretend]]\n[[Yeah, okay. Ha. Ha.|GetIt]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 2>>\n;4;Trashbeard seethes with tension. As long as the punchline lingers in the air without a laugh, he will continue to writhe in his chair.\n\n[[(Continue to ignore him.)|Pretend]]\n[[Yeah, okay. Ha. Ha.|GetIt]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 3>>\n;5;Okay. He's probably going to eat you if you annoy him again.\n\n[[(Continue to ignore him.)|Pretend]]\n[[Yeah, okay. Ha. Ha.|GetIt]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 4>>\n;6;Trashbeard eats you.\n\n[[You died.|Died]]\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<set $twiddle = $twiddle + 1>>
Garbage Scow
RUBBISH\n;1;Yeah, I'm lame. You can keep him in there. He is scary.\n\n;2;Urgh suddenly breaks out of his cage and rips your face off for being a wimp.\n\n;3;You die.\n\n[[You died.|Died]]
;m;gstheme2\n;1;You died. Maybe you shouldn't suck.\n\n[[Try again.|Beginning1]]
;i;hero\nRUBBISH\n;1;We're not going to take this ship back into the cove.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;2;What? Trashbeard was pretty specific. You know how he gets when people pretend they don't hear him.\n\nRUBBISH\n;3;I don't care about that fat old fart. He can bathe in hell. We're going to make our own way in the cosmos! We've got a ship, we've got a hold full of refuse... what more could we want?\n\n[[It's time to get to work.|OpeningHub]]\n[[It's time to PARTY!|OpeningVegas]]
RUBBISH\n;1;Shut up. You're dumb.\n\n;2;Lord Bilgewater looks forlorn.\n\nLORD BILGEWATER\n;3;O, the misfortune! O, alack for my sad lot in life! To have my ship captured by merciless garbage pirates on this, my most important garbage run ever!\n\nRUBBISH\n;4;Wait... did you say, most important garbage run //ever//?\n\nLORD BILGEWATER\n;5;O, with a hold full of wealth and filth! O, sorry day, when pirates became suddenly incredibly rich!\n\nRUBBISH\n;6;Slow down--did you say something about having a lot of garbage aboard, or not?\n\nLORD BILGEWATER\n;7;Riches upon riches lining my hold, and on this horrid, dreadful day, they choose to visit violence upon me! The tragedy!\n\nRUBBISH\n;8;Do you or do you not have lots of money here?\n\n;9;Before he can answer, your walky-talky grumbles with Friendly's voice.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;10;Lieutenant Rubbish, you need to come see the hold. In person.\n\n;11;Lord Bilgewater grimaces.\n\nBILGEWATER\n;12;I fear that you shall soon see the extent of my sorrows. Let me show you the way to the hold.\n\n;13;Lord Bilgewater stands and leads the way with a mournful swagger.\n\n[[(Follow him to the hold.)|Hold2]]\n\n<<set $badass = $badass + 1>>
;i;aristo\nRUBBISH\n;1;George, please go into the hold with Urgh. It's dark and quiet, so hopefully it won't spook Urgh into a rage. But anyway, yeah, see how much cargo they were carrying. And if Urgh doesn't maim you, let me know what's down there, ok?\n\n;2;Friendly swallows and nods. He gestures for Urgh to follow him. Urgh sits on the floor. You point after Friendly, and Urgh reluctantly gets up and shuffles after Friendly.\n\n;3;You and Ed make your way toward the Bridge. The walk is short--this is a very small ship compared to the //Filthy Rich//. But there is something charming, something homey, about it. Maybe it is the broken ceiling fixtures. Maybe it is the clutter filling the hallways, or the smell of burning rubber. There is something endearing about its humbleness.\n\n;4;A door whisks open to reveal the Bridge, on which sits a proud-looking gentleman. He wears a Hefty One-zip suit with a cellophane baldric and lint sash. In his eye rests a monocle made from what appears to be a plastic magnifying glass that used to be a toy inside a cereal box. He looks every inch an aristotrash.\n\nLORD BILGEWATER\n;5;Oh, pish tosh! What misfortune has befallen me. By the by, I'm Lord Bilgewater, the master and commander of this fine vessel, and the pleasure is most certainly all yours.\n\n[[Shut up.|ShutUp]]\n[[Hi.|Hi]]
;1;Trashbeard sits staring at you with glee for a good four seconds before he realizes you're not doing anything.\n\n;2;His grin turns into a scowl, and his thighs rumble with anger.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;3;...//Rubbish!//\n\nRUBBISH\n;4;I'm sorry, sir. I was ignoring you because you are fat.\n\n;5;Trashbeard laughs a pirately laugh.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;6;It's funny beacuse I'm fat!\n\n;7;The mirth disappears immediately.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;8;Now shoot the garbage scow, or I'll eat you.\n\n[[(Fire at the engines.)|BeginningBirdShot]]\n[[(Fire at the windshield.)|BeginningWindshield]]\n\n<<set $twiddle = $twiddle + 1>>
;1;You arrive at the hold to see Friendly gaping through a hole in the wall where a sturdy door used to be. Urgh sits holding the crumpled-up door in his hand, eating it like it's cotton candy.\n\n;2;Light from the hallway falls onto a landscape of refuse. Mountains of garbage rise from valleys of offal, reaching for the filthy ceiling. You feast your eyes on the banana peels, the spoiled take-out, the improperly-disposed batteries. It is a beautiful sight.\n\nLORD BILGEWATER\n;3;Behold my life savings.\n\n[[Friendly, do you know how much our cut of this is worth?|Later]]
;i;trash\n;m;gs3\n;1;You ignore him.\n\n<<if $twiddle eq 0>>\n;2;Nothing happens.\n\n[[(Continue to ignore him.)|Pretend2]]\n[[Yeah, okay. Ha. Ha.|GetIt]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 1>>\n;3;Trashbeard waits for a reaction, staring at you wide-eyed.\n\n[[(Continue to ignore him.)|Pretend2]]\n[[Yeah, okay. Ha. Ha.|GetIt]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 2>>\n;4;Trashbeard seethes with tension. As long as the punchline lingers in the air without a laugh, he will continue to writhe in his chair.\n\n[[(Continue to ignore him.)|Pretend2]]\n[[Yeah, okay. Ha. Ha.|GetIt]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 3>>\n;5;Okay. He's probably going to eat you if you annoy him again.\n\n[[(Continue to ignore him.)|Pretend2]]\n[[Yeah, okay. Ha. Ha.|GetIt]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 4>>\n;6;Trashbeard eats you.\n\n[[You died.|Died]]\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<set $twiddle = $twiddle + 1>>
;m;gs1\n;i;friendly\n;1;You turn to your valued assistant, George Friendly. You've noticed over the years, that he is, in fact, friendly. But you have always thought he looks more like a Frank.\n\n;2;You say to him--\n\nRUBBISH\n;3;Prepare the Goscannon.\n\n;4;Friendly raises an eyebrow.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;5;Isn't it pronounced "gausscannon"?\n\nRUBBISH\n;6;Not if you're using it to fire birdshot. Load up the geese!\n\n[[(Prepare to fire.)|BirdShot2]]
;1;On your way to the brig, you pass wall after wall of barricades and chokepoints. Nervous-looking guards pee themselves when they hear the sound of your approach, and then shiver with relief when they see it is just you. You pass rows of cells of prisoners, all of whom are clustered on the far left wall of their cells, trying to be as far away from something as possible.\n\n;2;Finally, you arrive at a vast cell. It has three vault-like doors, and apparently used to have a fourth, before something of untold strength ripped it off its adamantine hinges. Layers of bars and ultraglass separate you from the inside of the cell.\n\n;3;There, inside the cell, rests a gargantuan man--or thing, you're not really clear on what to call him/it. Urgh sits, lounging on his/its haunches. He/it has a pile of brains in his/its hand, which it is munching quietly. A guard with a smashed head lies on the floor next to him/it in the cell.\n\n;4;...You know what, in the narration, let's just skip the he/it nonsense and call he/it Urgh from now on. That will make things simpler for everybody, don't you think?\n\n;5;A guard outside the cell stops you.\n\nGUARD\n;6;I wouldn't go in there if I were you... not until Urgh finishes eating Jimmy.\n\n[[I can handle myself because I am a BADASS.|UrghBadass]]\n[[You're right. I will let you keep him in there, because I am a wimp.|UrghWimp]]
;i;trash\nRUBBISH\n;1;Oh, yeah, that's pretty funny.\n\n;2;Trashbeard slaps the part of his anatomy where, presumably, several layers of blubber conceal his knee. His rolls jiggle with unsettling enthusiasm. His spacegull preens itself.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;3;Yes! Now, Rubbish--take Friendly, Ed Mechanic, and Urgh over to the prize vessel and fly her into port. We'll meet you back at the cove. Your cut is 10%.\n\n;4;Friendly meekly raises his hand.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;5;Do we //have// to take Urgh? He... or do we call him an "it"? Uh... what I'm trying to say is, Urgh makes me uncomfortable.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;6;Don't be a stupidhead! You will take Urgh with you because Urgh is the best. Now, Friendly--go into the brig and release most of Urgh's restraints. Urgh can probably take care of the rest itself. If you do it slowly and carefully, Urgh //might// not fly into a rage and kill everybody. Good luck!\n\n;7;Trashbeard shoves a fistful of Cheetos into his face. Orange dust covers his fingers, and flakes stick in his trashy beard.\n\n[[Friendly, you get Urgh. I'll get Ed.|Ed]]\n[[Friendly, you get Ed. I'll get Urgh.|Urgh]]
;m;epic The //Filthy Rich// shoots the goose out of its forward cannon at one-tenth the speed of light. Feathers flutter everywhere.\n\n;1;The goose lands right in front of the garbage scow's engine. If there were sound in space, the noise of it striking the hull would go //plunk//.\n\n;2;The garbage scow's engines suck the goose in. They jam.\n\n;3;Trashbeard's rolls of fat jiggle with delight as the //Filthy Rich// closes in on the helpless scow.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;4;Ha-ha! Now they're sitting ducks!\n\n;5;He looks at you, expecting a reaction.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;6;I said... //now// they're like //sitting ducks//. Get it?!\n\n[[I get it!|GetIt]]\n[[(Pretend not to hear him.)|Pretend]]
RUBBISH\n;1;George, you and Ed see if there's any crew left on the Bridge. Urgh and I will check the hold. Understood?\n\nFRIENDLY\n;2;Of course.\n\nURGH\n;3;Urgh.\n\n;4;Friendy and Ed peel off in the direction of the Bridge. You and Urgh descend into the bowels of the ship.\n\n;5;The walk is short--this is a very small ship compared to the //Filthy Rich//. But there is something charming, something homey, about it. Maybe it is the broken ceiling fixtures. Maybe it is the clutter filling the hallways, or the smell of burning rubber. There is something endearing about its humbleness.\n\n;6;You arrive at a large adamantine hatch labeled with a sticky-note which reads,\n\n;7;"Absolutely NO entry, what-what! Jolly good."\n\nRUBBISH\n;8;This must be the hold.\n\nURGH\n;9;Urgh.\n\n;10;Urgh punches a massive fist through the door and yanks it off its frame. He crumples it into a ball and takes a bite out of it. The sound of teeth ripping metal fills the hallway.\n\n[[(Look into the hold.)|Hold3]]
;m;trashbeard\n;i;trash\n;1;Cap'n Trashbeard sits atop his bean-bag captaining chair. On the viewscreen at the front of the room, you watch a small garbage scow grow closer. Trashbeard's ship, the //Filthy Rich//, is closing the distance.\n\n;2;Trashbeard slops his girth around in excitement. Beans spill from a rip in the side of the captaining chair. For the sake of the dramatic tension, you pretend not to notice the beans as they spread across the floor. An ensign ten feet back from you slips on them and dies.\n\n;3;A light in the upper-right hand corner of the viewscreen glows red for a moment, and then the bulb burns out. Normally, that light would indicate that the //Filthy Rich// was in range, but now Trashbeard is going to have to have it replaced if he wants the ship to pass inspection next year.\n\n;4;Trashbeard jiggles with anticipation. The spacegull on his shoulder shifts its weight to stay upright.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;5;We're in range! Wa-ho! Prepare a volley, Lieutenant Rubbish!\n\n;6;That's you. He's looking straight at you. Maybe you should do something.\n\n[[(Fire at the engines.)|BeginningBirdShot]]\n[[(Fire at the windshield.)|BeginningWindshield]]\n[[(Ignore him because he is fat.)|BeginningIgnore]]\n\n<<set $badass = 1>>\n<<set $twiddle = 0>>\n<<set $ticketgun = false>>
;i;urgh\n;1;Friendly sits in the shuttle cockpit ("Haha! Cock!" is what Trashbeard would say in this situation). Friendly seems to be conspicuously ignoring a gigantic man-creature sitting on a broken table behind him, eating some brains out of his/its hand. He/it is Urgh, who greets you with a bored:\n\nURGH\n;2;Urgh.\n\n;3;...and he/it goes back to eating the brains.\n\n;4;...You know what, in the narration, let's just skip the he/it nonsense and call he/it Urgh from now on. That will make things simpler for everybody, don't you think?\n\n[[Friendly, take us over to the Garbage Scow.|GarbageScow]]
;i;ed\n;1;Friendly sits in the shuttle cockpit ("Haha! Cock!" is what Trashbeard would say in this situation). He tries not to lose his composure when Urgh's arrival sends shudders and jolts through the ship with Urgh's every footstep.\n\n;2;Ed Mechanic stops welding something on the floor and greets you with a chummy handshake.\n\nED\n;3;Oh, heya, Jonathan. Friendly tells me we's gonna goes over to that Garbage Scow, fly 'er around a bit.\n\n;4;He goes back to welding the floor. Urgh sits down on a table and continues to eat the brains. The table breaks under Urgh's weight, but Urgh does not seem to notice, and just keeps eating the brains.\n\n[[Friendly, take us over to the Garbage Scow.|GarbageScow]]
;m;gstheme1\n;i;ed\nRUBBISH\n;1;Friendly, go get Urgh and meet me by the shuttle.\n\n;2;Friendly sighs with resignation.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;3;It's been an honor serving with you, Jonathan.\n\n;4;He salutes, and exits the bridge through a door that goes //whoosh//. When the door tries to close, a gear falls out of the wall and the door jams. Black smoke pours from within the doorjamb.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;5;Ha! Doorjamb! Get it?\n\n;6;He sits with his mouth open, laughing noiselessly. A half-chewed Cheeto spills out of his mouth and rolls down his shirt, presumably getting caught in his carpet of unwashed chest-hairs.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;7;Also, this is great news! Now that broken door will increase the resell value of the //Filthy Rich//.\n\n;8;You leave the bridge through the broken door.\n\n[[(Go get Ed.)|Ed2]]
RUBBISH\n;1;I'm going in there. If Urgh tries to even freakin' TOUCH me, I will castrate Urgh with my bare hands.\n\n;2;The guard nervously punches some numbers into a keypad. Another guard's shaking hand unlatches a vault door. Levers are thrown, handles turned, keys put into locks, deadbolts removed. The doors swing open with clicking and cranking and whirring and crunking. (You might not have been expecting the doors to crunk, but it is onomatopoeia devoid of any further connotations.)\n\n;3;You enter the cell. Urgh looks down at you with the curiosity of a thing that is much larger than another thing, which the first thing is curious about.\n\nRUBBISH\n;4;You're going to come with me, because I said so.\n\n;5;Urgh stares at the brains in its hand.\n\nRUBBISH\n;6;You can bring the brains.\n\n;7;Urgh shrugs, and stands up, immediately breaking Urgh's restraints.\n\nURGH\n;8;Urgh.\n\n;9;Urgh follows you out of Urgh's cell.\n\n[[(Meet Friendly at the shuttle.)|ShuttleUrgh]]\n\n<<set $badass = $badass + 1>>
;1;You train the goscannon's sights on the garbage scow's engines. Your concentration is interrupted as, behind you, Friendly wrestles with a goose. It bites him on the nose. He stuffs it into the torpedo tube and closes the hatch.\n\nFRIENDLY\n;2;Tube 1 loaded with birdshot, Lieutenant.\n\n;3;Feathers drift to the floor around him. They mingle with the beans.\n\n[[Fire!|BirdShotFire]]\n[[(Twiddle your thumbs.)|Twiddle]]
;i;trash\n;m;gs3\n;1;You twiddle.\n\n<<if $twiddle eq 0>>\n;2;Nothing happens.\n\n[[Twiddle.|Twiddle2]]\n[[Fire!|BirdShotFire]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 1>>\n;3;Trashbeard starts to get anxious.\n\n[[Twiddle.|Twiddle2]]\n[[Fire!|BirdShotFire]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 2>>\n;4;Trashbeard looks like he is going to pop if he has to wait any longer. That, or have a stroke.\n\n[[Twiddle.|Twiddle2]]\n[[Fire!|BirdShotFire]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 3>>\n;5;Okay. He's going to eat you if you wait any longer.\n\n[[Twiddle.|Twiddle2]]\n[[Fire!|BirdShotFire]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $twiddle eq 4>>\n;6;Trashbeard eats you.\n\n[[You died.|Died]]\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<set $twiddle = $twiddle + 1>>
Created by the CMU Game Creation Society\ngamecreation.org
;1;You unlatch a bunch of latches, turn a bunch of keys, and push a big red button.\n\n;2;The nuke flies forward from the hull of the //Filthy Rich//. You feel like a fully-grown man who is about to beat up a baby. It's a good feeling.\n\n;3;Then, halfway there, the nuke sputters out and dies.\n\nTRASHBEARD\n;4;Oh, yeah, we had that one scrapped so it would be more valuable. Use one of the other guns!\n\n[[Ticketgun.|TicketgunAlt]]\n[[Goscannon.|BirdShot2]]\n\n<<set $badass = $badass + 1>>
;i;aristo\n;1;Light from the hallway falls onto a landscape of refuse. Mountains of garbage rise from valleys of offal, reaching for the filthy ceiling. You feast your eyes on the banana peels, the spoiled take-out, the improperly-disposed batteries. It is a beautiful sight.\n\n;2;You're joined a moment later by Friendly and Ed, and a proud-looking gentleman you don't recognize. He wears a Hefty One-zip suit with a cellophane baldric and lint sash. In his eye rests a monocle made from what appears to be a plastic magnifying glass that used to be a toy inside a cereal box. He looks every inch an aristotrash.\n\nLORD BILGEWATER\n;3;Oh, pish tosh! What misfortune has befallen me. By the by, I'm Lord Bilgewater, the master and commander of this fine vessel, and the pleasure is most certainly all yours.\n\n;4;He gestures at the mountains of garbage.\n\nBILGEWATER\n;5;Behold my life savings.\n\n[[Friendly, do you know how much our cut of this is worth?|Later]]